Memory Lane

This was taken wa-a-ay back then.

I've totally forgotten about this photo, until Yi Xing posted it on Facebook. Who knew Facebook, in addition to its networking purposes, could qualify as a harbinger of long-lost memories?

My first winter break in the States, I decided to spend it with the Hwa cousins in on a trip to New York. After all those years of watching Dunhill Double ads on RTM, the ones with the glittery skylines and grinning yuppies strolling down Wall Street, I was pysched about seeing this lauded city of plenty in real life.

Aw shucks, how little I knew then.

Anyway, so here we are. Four Hwa cousins and me. Yi Jien managed to harangue some relatives into letting us bunk into their apartments, where we repaid their kindness by stinking up the house with homemade bak gua and burnt egg tarts. We visited Rockefeller Center, gaped at the high ceilings of Grand Central, ate ice cream at Battery Park. We wandered the streets of Chinatown in subzero temperatures, going crazy over little treats from the motherland and seeking $5 haircuts in illegal gambling parlours.

Yixing seemed devastated when she emerged with a haircut that made her look like a boy, but ah, I doubt if she won't mind having the same haircut today.

Fast forward to six years later.

Guy seated second from right, Jerng, graduated as a philosophy major and returned home to work in finance and social enterprise. He now bartends at Changkat Bukit Bintang. During the long , brutal winter nights, I used to swing by his room for edibles and conversation. We seldom talk now.

Girl in the center, Shi-Hsia, is doing a masters in biomedical sciences in Wisconsin. I read about her life, research, political musings and adventures in body modification on Facebook.

Far right, Yi Xing, is on a Erasmus Mundus program, focusing on gender studies while cavorting around Europe. Two years after the picture above was taken, I left for a study abroad program. When I returned, I realized I had missed so many of the changes in her life, I couldn't go beyond the friendly cordiality that now define our friendship. We do emails and facebook now.

Far left, Yi Jien, Yi Xing's brother and cousin to the other two. My first year at Bates, Yi Jien taught me the ropes of adjusting at Bates. Showed me how to do laundry, how to pick courses, how to swing dance. I used to joke about how if he got married before I did, I would start panicking.

Anyway, he did exactly that. I sent him a congratulatory note and apologized for not being able to be at his wedding in Seremban.

After Bates, Yi Jien went on to pursue a masters in theology. Last year, he went for a solo hike in the rugged, aching mountains of Montana.

He never returned.

When I first saw this photograph, I had a good chuckle at the floppy hairstyles and the silliness of hungry Malaysian kids unleashed in the city. And when I think about where we are now and what became of the dreams behind the smiles in the picture, I am reminded of the amazing capacity of the human heart to laugh and weep at the same time.

At Last

There's a song in my head.

For the past few days, I've been hearing strains of Etta James' "At Last" on my way to work, when I'm buying grapes from the street vendor, when I'm shoving crowds in the subway.

For those in the know, this was the same song that played at the inauguration ball on Tuesday. I think it sums up my feelings of the event, an exclamation of relief and joy for better days to come.

The NYTimes, however, expressed this more eloquently...

"It’s an adoring, slow-dance love song with a title that can evoke far more. Politicos can take it to mean the end of the Bush administration and the Democrats taking control. And Americans of all ethnicities can take it as a clear reference to Mr. Obama becoming the first African-American president: a decisive turning point in a history of slavery and racial discrimination. The song treats the moment not with self-righteousness or resentment, but as a long-awaited embrace: “Here we are in heaven/for you are mine at last.”

At last...

Long Weekend

Blustery snow day in Central Park











Wow.

This is the first weekend in 8 months that I can lounge around with no looming deadlines. Woke up at noon and spent 2 hours mindlessly blog-surfing. Add another half hour of watching snowflakes float outside my window, with FIFA09 blaring from the living room and Mr. Choo living his pipe dream of thrashing Chelsea.

I've broken all three of my resolutions. Mauled my middle finger while rushing the Stern application before the deadline. Celebrated by gorging on yummy CNY treats. I have three empty jars that once held pineapple tarts, tapioca cookies and arrowroot chips.

And of course, I feel obligated to give my two cents worth of the year that has been and will be. Last year: wars, campaign rhetoric, brief respite from the Olympics, never-ending bailouts and lost opportunities. This year: more of the same, a new president, an increasingly influential government in domestic affairs and hopefully, more soft diplomacy.

But enough about my uninformed ramblings on current affairs, let's talk about me.

During this time last year, I promised myself a new direction in life by getting into graduate school. The past eight months was pretty much a marathon of sorts, with me juggling my regular job before returning home to study and work on my applications for another 4-5 hours. Nick has been incredibly supportive during my emo lows, for which I truly love him for.

Today, I'm still waiting to hear from the admissions committee.

I tried to start an NGO with several friends. Didn't work out for various reasons. Finally, on one particular rainy and gray train ride home, Ying and I reflected on and discussed our efforts thus far-- we decided it was not working and we would have to scale down our original plans.

Today, I'm still figuring a way to make this work. I had a promising meeting with a social enterprise organization recently, but we'll see.

Some highlights last year-- business trip to Europe, with a three day break in Prague with Nick :) Helped out with NMF, tiring but absolutely worth it! Countless meals and awesome gatherings with friends. Long summer barbeques that end at 2am. Gorging on Lockhart BBQ and checking out Nick's old haunts in Austin. Birthday with old girlfriends in Roppongi. Too many to mention.

This year? Frankly, I do not know.

My best case scenario-- I'm admitted to HBS and quit my job in May. Spend summer lazing in the city, traveling around the world and spending time with the family. Successfully figure out how I will pay my $50K/year school fees. Return for school in September and finally live in the same city with a certain someone :)

Worst case-- No grad school accepts me. The merger gets approved later this month and our entire office becomes defunct. Lose job + no new job = lose work visa status. Take out 10K from my savings and travel back to Malaysia via land. Wave bye-bye to same certain someone and figure out Plan B.

Phew. Enough about predictions. Life is what it is, and in any case, there will always be time for good food and good lovin'

Resolutions

In the spirit of 2009 and all resolutions that get broken by Jan 31, I have decided to make a list just for the heck of it.

1. Stay in shape

This is a mantra that I inevitably end up chanting every Sunday night after a week of non-stop mooching, alcohol-fueled merriment and other forms of debauchery. My moment of truth arrived when I finally realized why Ma always makes me wear one of her skirts. Call it an ego trip or anything, but she seems to derive a glimmer of satisfaction when I turn blue from sucking in my stomach while trying to fit into that darned thing.

So, considering that I will be stuck in this ol' body of mine for the next 60 years (god-willing!), I’d better make sure that this machine stays well-oiled until the last stop.

2. Stop mauling my nails

At one point, I had whittled one particular fingernail until there was nothing left but the cuticle. Sure, my hands are great for shock value, but who knows when I will run out of cotton buds and need proper-length talons to dig out some earwax.

3. Stop eating crap at work

See resolution 1.

There are still a 1001 more resolutions in the pipeline. I could, for instance,

Do stuff that makes me happy

Stop sweating the small stuff

Be a better daughter/sister/girlfriend/friend

Save more

Read more

Write more

Articulate better

Change careers

Be more giving

Be more considerate

But hey, life starts with a step at a time. Onward and forward!