Ugh

This is just one of the days where I feel like punching a wall until the bloodstains show.

Oh wait, I've already done that today.

It's 12.45 am. I have a plane to catch tomorrow. Let's not talk about work. My rent has increased, and I'm too tired to figure out which expense to cut next. A close friend found out that his cancer has spread to his bones. The school apps resemble a wedding cake left in the rain. I'm leaving for Asia in less than two weeks, and it looks like I will be working during the only time in the year when I get to see my family. Sometimes, I miss them so much, it hurts. A lot. (ok, if you want to tell me to go home to Malaysia, I'll figuratively/literally fucking punch you until the bloodstains show, except that this time, it would be yours)

And to that someone, if you're reading this, I do apologize for today's undeserved vitriol. You're right about the moral high ground. But at this point, when I'm doing all I can, all I need is a hand to yank me out of the muck. I don't want a lecture about past mistakes that will drive me to blog incessantly when I should be asleep/working, simply because you're the only one I can turn to and even then, I can't rely on you.

One day, I'll put this all in context and I will understand. Grad school isn't the be all, end all of my life. I'll just go out less and save a few bucks. My friend will recover. I'll see my family again.

Sigh. Oh well.

Back to work!

1.33AM update: Fuck it, I can't focus and I can't sleep.

1.46AM: Just got an email from a lawyer friend still in his Midtown office
"....I can sleep when I'm dead - all I know is I have a live deal, with a live client, am sitting at desk and sbt to fire this out - low morale... and life generally sux, but sheer doggedness will keep me going."

Thanks Alf. I feel better. :)